Tuesday, September 11
The Masked Blogger…
I have a friend who has no desire to have his own blog. Yet, he is a incredibly talented writer with really good things to say. So here is what we’re going to try. In his words: "I just have a few things to get out there from time to time and it doesn't seem quite right to blog on somebody else's blog, so I hope to occasionally blog anonymously as the guest blogger on your site because you're nice enough to let me."
So here then, is what I hope will be the first of many installments from The Masked Blogger…
“The Gift I Hope I’m Never Given”
I’m your basic Christian single guy. Though I am definitely not a kid anymore, I am just as prone to silliness in matters of the heart as when I was still in high school. Ok, junior high. I admit it. I’ve hopefully learned that the last person to listen to most of the time when I’m “interested” in a woman is (you guessed it) me.
So I realized recently I needed some advice about a situation and I decided to ask someone who I knew has given out more dating advice than Cosmo, RedBook and that woman who wrote Sex In The City combined. And here’s how the conversation went, more or less:
Me: “I think I know what you’re gonna say, because I think it is what my Dad would say, but let me ask you anyways, ‘cuz I need your advice: Would I be crazy to date a woman that I am pretty sure I would never marry?”
Mark: “Well, I’ll tell you what I’ve told just about every person who asked me something like this: the question is not ‘Would I marry this person?’ but rather ‘Am I better with God with this person or without them?’
Me: “That is definitely not what my dad would’ve said.”
Me again: “Better with God with her or without her?”
And Mark the darn-good-mentor-in-matters-of-the -heart said something like “Yeah, the wording is kinda weird, but it means ‘Is who you are with God something that is enhanced or detracted from while you are dating this person?’”
That really messed with my head. This whole “get input from Mark ‘cuz he’s spiritually sharp” is starting to backfire on me now. This is sharp as in “like a two-edged sword.”
Here’s what I mean.
When he asked “Are you better with God with her or without her?”, that made me think of the times when I was dating someone versus when I was dating no one. And something jumped out at me like that spring snake in the can of fake peanuts. Even though I have only dated Christians (ok, there were a few dates in there with non-Christers, I must confess), I’ve always been at my best with God when I was not dating ANYBODY.
I don’t mean “at my best with God” morally. I don’t mean in terms of whether or not I was following the rules (whatever those are) of what it means to keep it between the white lines sexually. I mean relationally with God. I tend to be a whole lot closer to God when I’m not “in a relationship” than when I am. He’s on my mind more. I think about Him more when I wake up in the morning and right before I fall asleep. If I’m “jonesin” on somebody, God’s nearness tends to drift to the background pretty much automatically.
Uh-oh. This is starting to get pretty ugly. Does that mean that maybe God is trying to tell me… that He wants me to remain single? Yikes. Zoinks. Holy Schnikes. I don’t even want to think about that. I don’t want to even consider God giving me the gift of ongoing celibacy.
You know how there’s certain gifts you always hope that nobody gives you for Christmas? You know what I’m talking about: socks. Or homemade fruitcake that has the half-life of plutonium. Or a sweater somebody knitted just for you. There’s always gifts you hope nobody gives you.
How many single Christ-followers are with me when I say “I sure hope God doesn’t decide to give me the gift of liftetime celibacy”??? I doubt that I’m alone in feeling that being given that gift would be the spiritual equivalent of getting a sweater for Christmas every year for the rest of my life. Nobody wants a sweater. And nobody wants lots and lots of sweaters every year for Christmases to come.
What God might want to do in my life romantically reminds me of something C.S. Lewis said that both inspires me and makes me swallow hard and take a big, deep breath: “We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”
I do respect Mark’s input greatly, and I do believe in God’s goodness unwaveringly. Ok, almost unwaveringly. I am just wondering how painful His best for me is gonna turn out to be.
Mark Nelson at 12:56 PM 4comments
4 Comments
-
at 4:35 PM
said... As I knitter I can't agree with your guest blogger that hand knit socks or sweaters would be a punishment to receive. But I get his point. I'm not hoping for fruitcake any time soon.
Thanks to you and your guest for a post that has had me thinking all day--about the gift of singleness (when I had something else on my wish list), about God's goodness (which sometimes feels like broccoli when I wanted fries), and about the question to ask in all my relationships: am I better with God with you or without you?-
at 8:44 PM
Unknown said... I know exactly how you feel!!
At times the gift of singleness is the best thing ever, esp. for me and my job. I don't have to check with anyone if I need to go to Wyoming, Kentucky, or even North Dakota. I can just pack up and go and not have to worry about what's going on at home, how was my significant other's day, what are they feeling, etc... It can be the best thing in the world, because you are free.
Then there is the other hand...
You want nothing more than to have that relationship that is the relationship of all relationships with another person. Someone to express just how much they love you and will do anything for you because it is you, right or wrong. That relationship that you don't have to say anything and they know what you are thinking and how you are feeling. And it feels like you are missing out on a part of life because you don't have it.
You know what you want, but just seems like God wants to hang it out there and give that to everyone else, and put you in a corner, like you've done something wrong and wonder what you can do to change it. But let me be the first to say, there isn't anything that you can do to change the work of God. He has a master plan and if a few good guys gotta stay single to get that plan done, well, I guess, I gotta hold my hand up and say pick me. (As hard as that is to write,I got to say pick me.) I'll take the gift that no one else wants because not everyone has that special, special gift.-
at 9:01 PM
Unknown said...
Then again on second thought, maybe I don't know much about anything.
-
at 3:45 PM
Stuart said...
Dearest Unknown Blogger;
Welcome to one of God's big questions: Do you really trust me to give you what is best for you?
After High School I had planned to:
1. graduate from college
2. marry
3. work as a sound engineer at a recording studio
4. raise 2.4 children
5. retire to Alaska in a hand build castle.
So far God had led me to complete task number 1, and I think number 5 is doubtful anyway.
There are a number of things that I have missed in the past 26 years as a celibate single, but there are also a number of things that I have experienced as well because of my marital state. One lesson, I think, that God wants us to learn from this gift is that completeness is not defined in our relationship with other people, but only in our relationship with God himself.
Live one day at a time serving others, then see what God has done in your life.